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We are learning more about each other as we go. We are all imperfect. Stepmom, let's just get something straight right now.

In retrospect, that was a HUGE mistake. For me, that changed everything. You will come across other stepmoms who can't stop raving about how wonderful their relationships are with their stepchildren. I still believe I'm here for a reason. Don't let it get you down. Maybe you even think your husband is to blame, because he always seems to take their side. Four, and this was a biggie, I often felt like the world's worst stepmother. Girl, you don't need a parade. Maybe you, like me, have spent too much time beating yourself up about your shortcomings as a stepmother. Do you know that I hear your exact same problems from nearly every blended family that comes in this room? You may agree -- you may disagree. Protect your marriage at all costs. I really thought I could solve everything and everyone if I just tried hard enough. My stepdaughters and I got along right away from the moment we met, and the first two years of blended family-dom were pretty awesome.

Remember number one? It wasn't until a few years ago that I confided my feelings of failure to a counselor, who promptly informed me that what my family and I were experiencing was actually very, very common. We live in a world where everyone loves to vent, whether it's on Facebook, over the phone, or during a girls night out, but take it from me -- no one likes to hear a stepmother vent about her husband's ex or her stepkids. I wish I had heard it a lot sooner, because I spent years trying to do a whole lot of fixing. If childrearing issues are pulling you apart, pinpoint exactly what's hurting your marriage and protect your relationship in this area immediately and relentlessly.

You and your husband need to be each other's refuge, particularly when you're having issues with your children or stepchildren. How did I not know this? Even if their biological mother rarely sees them. You can have a meaningful, loving, influential relationship with your stepchildren, but it will be different from that between a mother and child.

And the experience actually ended up being a huge bonding point for my husband and me. You can't fix what you didn't break. "They convinced the city to hold a parade in my honor! " There's almost always a honeymoon period, he said. "They told me they think of me as their REAL MOM! " We all have the potential to be amazing. Remember what I said earlier? I would change a lot of things I did as a stepmother if I could go back in time, but I wouldn't give up my blended family. Two, throughout most of the time I've been blogging, my stepdaughters were teenagers and they certainly didn't need or want me to be writing about them at that sensitive time in their lives. As wonderful as I'm sure you are, you can't fix that.

Ultimately, zealously protecting your marriage benefits everyone -- your stepchildren need to see you and your husband stay together and fight for your relationship, even when times are tough. I am a far better wife and mother than I would have been without my stepdaughters. You've almost made it through! Or maybe you think your marital problems are all your stepkids' fault. And I had two small children of my own. One of the hardest parts about being a stepmom is the need to keep quiet about the tough stuff and how it's affecting you. But know up front that I am going to limit this subject and its details to MY story, not the story of my stepdaughters or their mother. Realistically, you're probably ALL partially to blame for the problems in your relationships. This was initially a tough one for me, because I thought my girls needed me to act just like I was their mom. You're keeping it together. You are going to make a lot of mistakes. Be prepared to shop around until you find someone you and your husband are both comfortable with. And then all hell breaks loose. Do not make the mistake of believing in your heart that you have all the same rights and privileges as the woman who gave birth to them, because you don't.